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Dave was walking down the street. Just a normal guy on a Tuesday afternoon. What he Didn't know was that he was about to be brutally attacked. Here is Dave's story...

Dave was talking to his girlfriend. They just saw the movie, Twilight
(Dramatization)
"Soo. Did you like the movie Dave? Wasn't it reallly good? i read the book."
"No. Not really. I thought there would be more action."
"What the hell did you just say?"
"It wasn't really good."
"How dare you?! I'm breaking up with you!"

So Dave was now walking down the street. When He saw his ex and a bunch of other girls  with bats and other metal weapons.
"Hey guys. What's with the bat???"
"Oh. Nothing."
"R-really?"
"No. Our Lord and savior Edward Cullen has told us to kill you. We always listen to our beloved gods."
"Who the hell are you?!"
"We are members of the church of Twilight. You can call me Alice." Said one girl.
"Call me Rosalie."said another.
"And I'm Bella. Die bitch."



so they beat poor, poor Dave to a pulp. We have an exclusive interview with Dave while he was in the hospital.








(Dave is sitting in his bed with bandages all over his body.)
Interviewer: Tell me, Dave. What happened to you?
Dave:Well, the Church of Twilight came to me and this happened.
I: What did they do?
Dave: As they were beating me they were yelling, 'Beat Jacob! Beat Jacob!' Apparently in the Church of Twilight, he's the devil.
I: How sad. They pinned a note to your shirt saying to join the Church or... die?
Dave: Yes. It is very sad and frightening to know your being watched by a creepy cult.
I: Do you know the names of these girls who beat you?
Dave: Only one. She was my ex. The others had code names.
I: I'm aware it was "Alice and Rosalie."
Dave. Yes. [Starts to cry.]



Do you see the madness? Please for your safety. Do not join the Church of Twilight.

Say 'No!' to cults
My opinion. I thought the books were ok but the fangirls... oh god the fan girls. if you say one bad thing about twilight, you die.

Normal Sized Book of Exquisite Stories and Poems
Add a Comment:
 
:iconasari-are-hot:
Asari-are-hot Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012
If that is true, that is just creepy!
What would make them take things that far?
Reply
:iconladyroseshade:
LadyRoseShade Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
HILARIOUS!!! I LOVE AND I TOTALLY AGREE!! fangirls are scary, and they totally ruin everything. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a story like this in the paper tomorrow. HA HA HA. :dummy:
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2010
I was actually inspired by a girl who was hit by a car as she was running across the street to hug Robert Pattison.
Reply
:iconladyroseshade:
LadyRoseShade Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
WOW. THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED????
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA :iconkiralaughplz:
Reply
:iconrooniman:
RooniMan Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very disappointing indeed. :disbelief:
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2009
Isn't it a shame? So many good people have turned to this sad, sad cult.
Reply
:iconrooniman:
RooniMan Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
They can't got it through there heads that it's just a book. A poorly-written one for that matter.
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2009
I second everything you just said.
Reply
:iconrooniman:
RooniMan Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I hope I don't get attacked.
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2009
I was already sabotaged/attacked at school because of this. lol
Reply
:iconrooniman:
RooniMan Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
O.O
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2009
It's true, it's true. :nod:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconharey-eats-pork:
harey-eats-pork Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2009   Writer
HA! I agree totally! those twilight fans can get pretty serious when it comes to protecting the "cult". i liked it! :w00t!:
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2009
your welcome :D im glad your finally on dA
Reply
:iconmiscellaneous-athena:
oh that's so freaking funny!
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner May 20, 2009
thanks! :D
Reply
:iconmiscellaneous-athena:
once again,your welcome
Reply
:icontokyocupcake007:
tokyocupcake007 Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2009
im sorry, what was that you said about fangirls? *twitch*
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2009
uh... nothing....
Reply
:icontokyocupcake007:
tokyocupcake007 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2009
yeah thats what i thought. jerk.
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2009
i wasnt talking about people like you. just like... *coughs* camillle
Reply
:icontokyocupcake007:
tokyocupcake007 Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2009
oh. i see. well, she's a poser twilight fan. she likes the movie better. the mark of a poser is if the have one of those weird cullen-family-crest jewelry things. she has the alice necklace.
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2009
cullen... family crest... what. the. fuck.
Reply
:icontokyocupcake007:
tokyocupcake007 Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2009
i know! totally not even in the books! geez!
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2009
it makes no fucking sense
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconcharliecutie:
charliecutie Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2009
Awww. Cute story. A little amaturish though!! Tee hee hee!!
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2009
amateurish? why?
Reply
:iconcharliecutie:
charliecutie Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2009
ummmmm... sorry BUB but u like just dont like have wat it like.... ummmm takes!!!
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2009
seriously?????
Reply
:iconcharliecutie:
charliecutie Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2009
Yup. lol. I suggest that u like... um, go back to dating that freak u like. Watev. None of my bussiness i guess.
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Apr 5, 2009
you dont even know her (just because she doesnt have blond hair you hate her????) and what is wrong with the prose?????
Reply
:iconcharliecutie:
charliecutie Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2009
sigh. u wouldn't understand.
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Apr 6, 2009
jeez. just tell me whats wrong with the prose
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconmanonsi:
manonsi Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2009  Hobbyist Writer
Haha! LOL! I love Twilight, but this had me cracking up! :D funny!
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Apr 4, 2009
your welcome!
Reply
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