Dave was walking down the street. Just a normal guy on a Tuesday afternoon. What he Didn't know was that he was about to be brutally attacked. Here is Dave's story...
Dave was talking to his girlfriend. They just saw the movie, Twilight
"Soo. Did you like the movie Dave? Wasn't it reallly good? i read the book."
"No. Not really. I thought there would be more action."
"What the hell did you just say?"
"It wasn't really good."
"How dare you?! I'm breaking up with you!"
So Dave was now walking down the street. When He saw his ex and a bunch of other girls with bats and other metal weapons.
"Hey guys. What's with the bat???"
"No. Our Lord and savior Edward Cullen has told us to kill you. We always listen to our beloved gods."
"Who the hell are you?!"
"We are members of the church of Twilight. You can call me Alice." Said one girl.
"Call me Rosalie."said another.
"And I'm Bella. Die bitch."
so they beat poor, poor Dave to a pulp. We have an exclusive interview with Dave while he was in the hospital.
(Dave is sitting in his bed with bandages all over his body.)
Interviewer: Tell me, Dave. What happened to you?
Dave:Well, the Church of Twilight came to me and this happened.
I: What did they do?
Dave: As they were beating me they were yelling, 'Beat Jacob! Beat Jacob!' Apparently in the Church of Twilight, he's the devil.
I: How sad. They pinned a note to your shirt saying to join the Church or... die?
Dave: Yes. It is very sad and frightening to know your being watched by a creepy cult.
I: Do you know the names of these girls who beat you?
Dave: Only one. She was my ex. The others had code names.
I: I'm aware it was "Alice and Rosalie."
Dave. Yes. [Starts to cry.]
Do you see the madness? Please for your safety. Do not join the Church of Twilight.
Say 'No!' to cults