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Submitted on
April 4, 2009
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Dave was walking down the street. Just a normal guy on a Tuesday afternoon. What he Didn't know was that he was about to be brutally attacked. Here is Dave's story...

Dave was talking to his girlfriend. They just saw the movie, Twilight
(Dramatization)
"Soo. Did you like the movie Dave? Wasn't it reallly good? i read the book."
"No. Not really. I thought there would be more action."
"What the hell did you just say?"
"It wasn't really good."
"How dare you?! I'm breaking up with you!"

So Dave was now walking down the street. When He saw his ex and a bunch of other girls  with bats and other metal weapons.
"Hey guys. What's with the bat???"
"Oh. Nothing."
"R-really?"
"No. Our Lord and savior Edward Cullen has told us to kill you. We always listen to our beloved gods."
"Who the hell are you?!"
"We are members of the church of Twilight. You can call me Alice." Said one girl.
"Call me Rosalie."said another.
"And I'm Bella. Die bitch."



so they beat poor, poor Dave to a pulp. We have an exclusive interview with Dave while he was in the hospital.








(Dave is sitting in his bed with bandages all over his body.)
Interviewer: Tell me, Dave. What happened to you?
Dave:Well, the Church of Twilight came to me and this happened.
I: What did they do?
Dave: As they were beating me they were yelling, 'Beat Jacob! Beat Jacob!' Apparently in the Church of Twilight, he's the devil.
I: How sad. They pinned a note to your shirt saying to join the Church or... die?
Dave: Yes. It is very sad and frightening to know your being watched by a creepy cult.
I: Do you know the names of these girls who beat you?
Dave: Only one. She was my ex. The others had code names.
I: I'm aware it was "Alice and Rosalie."
Dave. Yes. [Starts to cry.]



Do you see the madness? Please for your safety. Do not join the Church of Twilight.

Say 'No!' to cults
My opinion. I thought the books were ok but the fangirls... oh god the fan girls. if you say one bad thing about twilight, you die.

Normal Sized Book of Exquisite Stories and Poems
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:iconasari-are-hot:
Asari-are-hot Featured By Owner Jan 2, 2012
If that is true, that is just creepy!
What would make them take things that far?
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:iconladyroseshade:
LadyRoseShade Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
HILARIOUS!!! I LOVE AND I TOTALLY AGREE!! fangirls are scary, and they totally ruin everything. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a story like this in the paper tomorrow. HA HA HA. :dummy:
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2010
I was actually inspired by a girl who was hit by a car as she was running across the street to hug Robert Pattison.
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:iconladyroseshade:
LadyRoseShade Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
WOW. THAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED????
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA :iconkiralaughplz:
Reply
:iconrooniman:
RooniMan Featured By Owner Jun 30, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very disappointing indeed. :disbelief:
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:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2009
Isn't it a shame? So many good people have turned to this sad, sad cult.
Reply
:iconrooniman:
RooniMan Featured By Owner Jul 1, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
They can't got it through there heads that it's just a book. A poorly-written one for that matter.
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:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2009
I second everything you just said.
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:iconrooniman:
RooniMan Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2009  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I hope I don't get attacked.
Reply
:iconbenyumy:
Benyumy Featured By Owner Jul 2, 2009
I was already sabotaged/attacked at school because of this. lol
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